Crossing Boundaries

fence

Boundary |ˈbound(ə)rē|

noun ( pl. boundaries )

“a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.

the boundaries of acceptable behavior”

When I was young and free in my mind, there was a particular place that seemed so spacious to me. I felt free to explore it and run freely in it. I longed to go to its deepest corners and rest there. Nothing, absolutely nothing was considered out of bounds or unopened to me. Even in the farthest edges, I never felt lost or far from home.

However, life has moved me far away from this place and I have been taught there are boundaries that I had apparently crossed time and time again. I was told the key to being free was logic and the way to be safe and secure was to build a shelter in the midst of my hurt.

Bounds, limits, margins, edges, fringes, periphery, perimeter… I feel my breath getting shorter and restricted…partition, fenceline, division, confines, borderline.

There is a place far from here, but it seems too far from the shelter I’ve built for myself. What if I get tired on the way? What if that ‘other’ place really doesn’t exist and I’m just let down again? What if that place is strangely not as comfortable as being here…in my confines? What if, like they say, I’ve experienced too much hurt to ever really be free again? So I’ll sit here and convince my self that this place is the best for me. These walls are protecting me and helping me live out these days the best way I possibly can. I’ll be…well. I’ll be ok. I’ll be fine right here. I may not be missing out on anything at all! Yeah, I’m probably not.

I feel a soft breeze dance into my shelter and surround me. Can I really risk staying here and never knowing what lies ahead…just beyond that boundary? What if it’s ultimate freedom and I miss out because my fear leaves me here; trapped in despair? I’m going to give it a try… It might actually be really quick and I’ll be back before anything goes wrong.

Squinting my eyes from light I have not known in so long; I can only just notice a figure in the distance. It seems like he’s waiting for me to come closer. Maybe he’ll help me to freedom. Maybe he’ll help me find better shelter. I hesitantly walk closer to him, hoping…wondering.

I am freedom

I could hear the words in the wind like they were meant just for me.

I am the way to freedom…follow me out of your darkness and into my light.

But…has life not taught me that I’m too old? Too weary and have known too much? Freedom surely is not for me to have.

I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly

My legs are weak. I’m afraid and unsure I can even go any further. Comfort is back there and the unknown surrounds me now.

With me there is freedom and I have come to set the captive free.

I don’t feel like a captive…I was absolutely fine. I was told I shouldn’t cross the boundaries and now I realize I should’ve obeyed. I should’ve done all the ‘acceptable’ and ‘right’ things.

The boundaries you’ve had were no more than prison bars. My burden is light and my yoke is easy. The world has put heavy burdens and back-breaking yokes on you…take mine.

He’s right. I feel strength come back to my feet and I can breathe freely again. As I get closer to him, I can see his face more clearly. His eyes are filled with tears. He sounded so strong and sure…why is he crying?

How I’ve longed for you to break free of the bondages that wrap around your neck. Now you are free…free indeed. Follow me.

I will follow you. Past the edges, confines, perimeters. Past the fence and way past my shelter. I will follow freedom; I will follow HIM.

A lady long ago pressed out of the boundaries of religion and rules. She found healing there. She found freedom there. SHE FOUND JESUS THERE.

Luke 8:42b-48

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More than she could’ve imagined

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There are some things we may never understand about people. This particular woman was one of those people for me. She had a thick accent and I could never really read her facial expressions. I met her at Mary Andrews College last year and although I didn’t understand her much, I was drawn to her. I had a feeling she had a story but communication barriers got me stepping back. Shame.

But! Mary Andrews College sent out a newsletter this week and I had the privilege of reading her story on the front cover! So glad they got it out of her! 🙂

Her story is one of overcoming anxiety and panic attacks. It’s such a real battle, and one that many of us would often face. I think she had quite a while to think about why she was feeling the way she was. Interestingly enough…this is how she puts it:

Before I was a Christian, I was happy because I had no guilt. But as time passed I became more aware of my sin. I went from being a happy ‘good girl’ to feeling guilty all the time. Of course I knew about God’s forgiveness, but I couldn’t quite work out it’s personal implications for me. I struggled…my sin, forgiveness, God’s judgement…what did they all really mean? I couldn’t connect them together. So I couldn’t grow closer to God. And I couldn’t forgive myself.

There it was. And I know she’s not the only one because many times I have felt that same way. I struggle to pray because of the very fact that I don’t connect God’s truth to me personally. If my plug is not connecting, I’m not going to work. Know what I mean? Whoever is reading this right now, I might know you personally or I might not…but be sure God’s truth hits you. Not the person next to you…YOU. Let it connect, let it simmer down. Let it heal your bones and your mind. He loves you, has forgiven you, knows what you will do and what you have done and yet…He’s grip on you seems to only get tighter.

You’re not too far, you’re not too gone. Look around you, child, forgiveness and love surround you!

One of the books I had been reading said ‘Everything we have committed has been eternally paid for by Christ and eternally forgiven by God.’ The Bible tells us ‘The truth shall set you free’ and that truth did! After 28 years of anxiety, guilt and misery, on September 24th 2011, I was set free!

I’m sure every prisoner remembers the day they were set free. Finally seeing and feeling the sun’s rays warm their skin after being in darkness for so long. Will you remember this day? Let God’s truth set you free. You are beloved!